Today Is A New Day

today is a new day

today is a new day

Well, that didn’t go quite as well as I was hoping. I mean, it was not nearly as bad as it has been in years past, but I know that I could have done better. Now, I have been left to keep telling myself for the last few days to keep moving forward. Today is a new day, and next time, I just need to try a little harder.

Thanksgiving was absolutely incredible. I used to think that the holidays were all about feasts, presents, and breaks from school. But the older I get, the more I appreciate being able to spend the holidays with my family.

Really the only thing that I find myself struggling with during the holiday season, is the food. It’s not that I don’t like the food. In fact, it is quite the exact opposite. I often times find myself being the table picker. You know, the person that goes and picks at something nearly every ten minutes. And the person who annoys others asking when the food is going to be done. Yeah, that’s me.

This past Thanksgiving, I went into it with a different mindset when it came to food. I have been trying to rebuild my relationship with food, so I kept telling myself that there wasn’t a need to binge, because I am no longer going to restrict myself any longer. This has been my mentality for the past few months. But like others, I often revert to old habits when I am stressed.

In years past, I knew that the day a holiday was over, it would be back to counting calories, eating only clean foods, and doing hours of cardio to burn off all of the bad things that I ate. That basically turned the holidays one big eating challenge. Simply because I didn’t know if and when I would be able to enjoy a certain food again.

So, I have to admit something… While I am still feeling good about not restricting myself, I did find myself binging a little on Thanksgiving.

While my binging episode wasn’t nearly as bad as it has been in years past, it definitely didn’t make me feel that healthy both mentally and physically. Something just seemed to take over in my mind, and I had to keep telling myself that it’s okay. It’s okay to quit eating, and it’s okay to enjoy it another time.

But all of the food that was on the table was too overwhelming. The deserts, the beverages, everything just looked so good, and tasted even better. 

Honestly, I think that my “mini-binge” episode was attributed to the fact that I have restricted some foods for so long. My brain has been so used to restricting foods that if it even recognizes something that tastes good, there becomes this uncontrollable force that pushes me to keep eating because I may never get it again.

Trust me, you do not want to live a life focused around food. It’s not fun.

So why the heck am I sharing this with you? What good is this possibly going to provide you?

See, I went into Thanksgiving with this mentality that I was not going to binge like I have in years prior. In previous years, it would have hurt to even move, I would become an emotional mess, and sometimes I would even get sick.

Well, that mentality didn’t stop me from binging entirely. But let me be the first to say that even though I binged, I am f*cking proud of myself for not letting it get as bad as it could have been. I was able to recognize it, calm myself down, and able to somewhat manage it. It didn’t go as I hoped it would, but it was a lot better than it had been before. And that is a win in my book. 

The best part is that today is a new day. Thanksgiving has come and gone. I am still alive, I am still breathing, I still have a family that is there to support me, and I still love myself for who I am. More importantly than binging, I still had an amazing time with my family, and I made progress in a battle that has consumed me for years.

So yeah, I did binge. I can admit it. But I can firmly say that I love myself no less. In fact, I think that I might like myself even more now.

It takes strength to admit your wrong doings, and it takes courage to get back up and fight after you have been knocked down.

The past has come and gone. It does no good stressing about something that we can’t ever change. But today is a new day. A new day to become stronger, a new day to follow our dreams, and a new day to live our best life. This life, this life is something that I am grateful for, and it’s only going to get better.

Michael Bonnell

11/27/2018

 

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