Daily Blog #358
There were many times in my past where I didn’t know how I was ever going to make it out of a certain situation alive, or even if I would make it out alive.
Wow, this is already starting off a little deeper and darker than I would have liked it to have, but let’s just keep going with it.
Some of the days when I was experiencing the worst of my depression, I remember asking myself how I was going to get through it. What would it take to just live a normal life again? Would I ever actually be able to live a normal life again, or was I stuck in this cloudy and dreary haze? If so, what was next? I didn’t want to spend my life like that.
I’m not going to lie, there were times where I didn’t think that I had the strength to make it through the days in which my depression seemed to be suffocating me. There were times where I wondered what the purpose of my life was, and if those around me would perhaps be better off without me.
That’s just the nature of depression. I am not the only one who has had these thoughts, and unfortunately, I won’t be the last.
I would do anything to take back these thoughts or to take back any of the pain and hardship that I have caused my family and friends. I would do anything to not have experienced the dark days of depression in the first place. But the past is the past, and I know all too well that this will never happen.
There are always two choices in life.
We can either live by our past and allow our past consume our present, or we can try to find the silver lining from our past in hopes that it will help to create a bigger and brighter future. And this, my friends, is what I choose to do.
Depression sucks. That much I am certain of.
But instead of seeing it only for the pain and difficulty that it caused me in life, I also see it as a blessing in disguise. Yeah, imagine that. Something so painful and dark, and I am saying that it has also been a blessing.
Before my depression, I have very little belief in myself. During my battle with depression, those levels of self-belief were even lower and basically nonexistent. But as the days went on, I slowly started to gain back some of that belief in myself.
The thing that I had to remember was that I had already overcome so much pain and heartache in life. I mean, we all have. Every day I overcame obstacles, and over the course of my life, those obstacles collectively made any bad day seem manageable. Those obstacles collectively outweighed any pain that I had or ever will experience. If I could handle the pain from my past, then there wasn’t anything that I couldn’t overcome.
Depression made me one strong warrior.
I guess this is why I feel blessed to have encountered the battles that I have. Had I not, I don’t know if I would have the self-belief that I do now. It is largely due to my depression that I am as happy as I am, and that I believe in myself as much as I do.
It seems contradicting, I know. But if I wouldn’t have experienced the depression that I battled for years, I wouldn’t have found my true strength. I wouldn’t have had to challenge myself as much as I have, I wouldn’t have had to overcome as many obstacles as I have, and I wouldn’t have the reassuring belief that I can do anything and everything that I set my mind to.
How’s that for finding the silver lining?
Aside from that, it simply wouldn’t do me any good to fret the past. The past is the past. It has already come and gone, and there is no changing it. What I won’t be doing, though, is allowing my past to control my present. The past has helped to shape me into a better person, and each and every day, I will continue to grow from who I am into the person that I want to be.
The past is the past.
While you may have had a difficult past, don’t let your past consume your present, and definitely don’t let it dictate your future. You won’t be able to change it no matter how hard you try, so why bother? Instead, live your life to the best of your ability, and believe in all that you are truly capable of achieving.
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