Do you ever wonder why your life is the way it is? Why certain things happen to you or why you were dealt the life that you were?
Sure, there are some things in life we have the ability to control. Things like our mood, our perception, our actions, what we choose to do and not do throughout the day, etc.
But at the same time, there are also many things in life that we will never be able to change no matter how hard we try. Things like the family that we were born into, how our parents raised us, our genetic makeup, how others treat us, yeah… you get the point.
The truth is, though, there are just some things that you will never be able to control or change in your life, so why even bother trying? By trying to control the uncontrollable, the only thing that you are doing is taking away from the precious life that you have directly in front of you. You are sabotaging yourself of the life that you want to live because you are focusing solely on the life that you have already lived.
Stop Doing That Sh*t
“You are where you are at in life because you have deaded yourself to crap.”
I recently finished Stop Doing That Sh*t: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back by Gary John Bishop.
Overall, I have to say that I really enjoyed it. The book was easy to read, incredibly easy to comprehend, and straight to the point.
Contributors To Self-Sabotage
According to Bishop, there are three main contributors to self-sabotage – you, them, and life.
According to Bishop, if you are not happy with your life at the current moment, it’s because you have sabotaged yourself and your happiness. Whether you are aware of it or not, you are where you are right now because you have allowed yourself to be there. It’s called your “personal conclusion.”
All of the times that we stop ourselves short because of doubt, because of negative self-talk, and because we allow our fears to control us are based on experiences from our past. We listen to our past experiences tell us what we can and cannot do in the present time.
The second influence of self-sabotage is due to the people around you. Like your personal conclusion, over time you soak up the advice and criticism of those around you such as your family, your friends, your neighbors, and strangers whom you come in contact with.
From all of these experiences, this is what you have concluded about yourself based on the opinions of others. You listen to the doubts and feedback of others and allow it to slowly start shaping who you are as a person.
Think about it, how often do you worry about pleasing other people? How often do you dress a certain way to “look good” in the eyes of others? As you age, you slowly start to tailor your life and the things you do to fit in with the world around you. It’s okay, we all do it.
How do you feel about life? When you were a kid, you probably wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, an astronaut, a firefighter, or some other profession that seemed fun. But as you went through life, you realized that life wasn’t easy as you thought it would be when you were a young dreamer.
Because you wanted to save yourself from enduring self-doubt or be seen as a failure in the lives of others, you determined that life was hard, that life was against you, and that you were better off simply playing it safe.
All of those beliefs about life were then stored in your subconscious. Every time that you wanted to do something risky or memorable in life, you reflected on those past experiences and allowed them to prevent you from making the most of your life in the present moment.
So how do you actually end the self-sabotage that has been holding you back? By focusing on where you want to go in life and realizing that the past is not going to help get you there.
No matter what you have endured up to this point in your life, you have an opportunity to start new each and every day. What happened when you were a kid or even yesterday does not determine what you can and cannot do today and moving forward.
Learn to let go of the past, keep your head up, and focus on the goals that you have for yourself and how you’re going to get there.
Overall, I would really recommend reading this book. It helps to put into perspective all of the damaging beliefs that we have and how to overcome them.
We can’t change the past, but we can always change how we perceive the past and how we let the past control our present. Learn to let go of what you cannot change, and focus on making the most of your life from this point moving onward.
Previous Post: What Is An Enneagram Personality Test?