A journal entry from Monday, August 19th.
Today was simply just another one of those days…
As much as I try to focus on being positive and making the most out of every opportunity that I have in front of me, I am so far from perfect that it’s not even funny.
There are many, many good days in my life, but there are also days where I still struggle with my eating disorder, days where I fall back into old habits, and then there are days like today – days where my depression gets the best of me. No matter what I do to try and fight them, I just draw a blank. It’s almost as if nothing is going on inside of my head because of the cloudy haze that fogs my perception.
This is going to be really awkward to describe, but imagine being on the worst trip of your life, or at least what you presume to be the worst trip. That’s what today has felt like for me. The only difference between how I am feeling right now and experiencing a bad trip is the fact that this mood has lasted all day… not just for a short amount of time.
At this point, I honestly wish I was experiencing a bad trip instead of being trapped inside the constricting walls of my mind. I guess this is the price that I pay for forgetting to take my medication for a day…
We All Experience One Of Those Days
I experience these days once every one or two months or so. No matter how hard I try to fight it, no matter how much I try to focus on all of the good that fills my life, and no matter how hard I try to focus on how strong I am, there is simply nothing that seems to work.
I am not alone, though. We all experience these days. Some of us experience these days more often than others. But regardless, life is full of both good and bad days. That’s just life…
The most important thing to remember if you are experiencing one of these days is to remember that you are not alone. No matter how lonely and hopeless you feel, you are never going to be alone. There are always going to be others out there that care for you and want nothing but the best for you, even when you might not realize it. I know that it’s a lot easier said than done, trust me I do, but you just have to keep moving forward with every ounce of strength that you have. What other option is there?
How I Try To Manage These Days
1. Do Something Enjoyable
Personally, I am the most miserable when I am by myself. During the days where I am experiencing a funk, it’s incredibly difficult to find the strength to go out and do something, but I know that if I don’t, then I am just going to be even more miserable.
Some of my favorite things to do are to golf, spend time with family, and just walk around. So today, that’s what I did. I took my dog on a walk, I went to the driving range and hit a bucket of balls, and I spent time with my family. Even though I wasn’t necessarily doing things with others, just getting out there where there is life around me makes me feel a little less lonely.
2. Positive Affirmations
I get it, this sounds super cheesy to think about. But when you are lost in your own head and when your depression gets the best of you, odds are that there aren’t too many positive thoughts going on within your mind. At least there aren’t for me.
What do I do? I purposely place positive thoughts in my mind. I will sit there, close my eyes, and repeat the affirmations that I am good enough, that I am strong enough, and that I am loved over and over again until I start to believe it. By purposefully placing these thoughts in my mind, I am almost retraining my mind to start focusing on the good instead of allowing the bad to consume my thoughts.
3. Find An Outlet
Okay, I’m sorry that you just spent the last few minutes listening to how I am feeling today, but for me, having an outlet like this to release my thoughts helps me to combat the negative emotions that I am feeling. Honestly, I would recommend that you find an outlet to release your emotions as well.
Maybe it’s in the form of a blog, maybe it’s in the form of a journal, maybe it’s by going in your car, turning the radio all the way up, and jamming out until you start to feel better. Whatever it is, find an outlet where you can release your negative emotions and just go with it. Let them out and just get them out of your mind.
Thank you. That’s all I can say right now.
I’m not going to lie, I felt like complete and utter you-know-what before writing this, but right now, I am starting to feel better.
The truth is, this won’t be the last time that you and I experience bad days in life. The future is probably going to be full of them. Hopefully more good than bad, but I first have to get through today before I think too far ahead.
I think it’s important to experience these days. As much as they suck to deal with, they make us stronger. They remind us that we are human, that we are going to make mistakes, but also that we are strong and when we put our mind to it and focus on our thoughts, there is nothing that can stop us… not even these bad days.
No matter what, know that you are strong, you are loved, and you are capable of overcoming any obstacle that you experience. Believe in yourself and make the most out of every single second of your life.
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