I Used To Be Too Fat. Now I’m Too Skinny

I used to be too fat
I used to be too fat
Photo by: Carles Rabada

Daily Blog #346

Growing up, I was always one of the “fluffier” kids. I don’t know that I would have called myself fat, but I will admit that I was definitely on the heftier side. As I graduated high school, I was 5’9 and weighed roughly 170 pounds. Fast forward a year, and for some reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to take the “Freshman 15” to a whole new level. I didn’t just put on 15 pounds of weight, I doubled it. In the middle of my sophomore year of college, I stood 5’10 and weighed 199 pounds.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t teased and picked on for my weight. Mix my weight with an average at best athletic ability, and I was basically begging to be picked on. At least that’s how I saw it. It seemed as if no matter how nice I tried to be to others, no matter how hard I tried to fit in, and no matter how I acted, there were just a select few people that would never like me for who I was.

During my sophomore year of college, things had spiralled out of control. Video games consumed my life, I couldn’t walk up a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat, and daily trips to Taco Bell were becoming my usual afternoon snack. Aside from that, I was growing tired of always being picked on and wanted to finally be liked by those who would tease me.

I stepped on the scale one night in the middle of winter and saw that it read 199.8 pounds. At that moment, I made a promise to myself to do whatever was required to not hit that 200-pound mark. Starting that very moment, I was going to start exercising, I was going to start eating healthier, and only then I would finally be liked by others, which would, in turn, allow me to finally like myself.

Healthy eating and daily exercising quickly became my life. Every single day, seven days a week, I was running at least three miles, mixing that with an hour of P90X, and would occasionally go run another three miles. The weight was melting off, and I was finally starting to see results. My self-confidence was increasing, people were telling me how good I was looking, and I was starting to feel “happy” with my life.

After continuing down this path, though, I developed an eating disorder and an unhealthy obsession with exercising. While once weighing nearly 200 pounds, I had trimmed down to 145 pounds soaking wet. I had very little fat, even less muscle, and I would always be shivering even in the middle of summer. But I continued down this path and never saw the damage that I was causing my body, all because I was blinded by the approval of other people.

There was a brief time during my weight loss transformation where I actually looked healthy. During that time, guess what didn’t happen? Not once did the people who used to tease me tell me that I looked good. Not once did they acknowledge the hard work and dedication that I was putting in for their approval, and not once did the approve the “new and improved” version of me.

Now, guess who were the first people to tell me that I was now too skinny? The individuals who used to tell me that I was too fat. That’s right, I used to be too fat, and now I was too skinny. There was just no winning. No matter what I did, I felt as if I was never going to be accepted by those individuals, and that was the motivation behind me losing all of my weight in the first place.

So why am I sharing this sob story with you? Honestly, I don’t expect you to feel bad for me at all. Everything that I have put myself through is completely and entirely my fault. Instead, though, I want you to learn from me. Learn from my mistakes, and live your life how you want to live it. There are always going to be some individuals that you are never going to be able to please no matter how hard you try. You could fail thousands of time or be the most successful individual on the face of the planet, and there are certain people who are always going to point out every little flaw of yours.

During times like this, it’s important to remember that you will never be judged by somebody who is better than you. I don’t want to say anything bad about the people who used to tease me because I don’t want to stoop down to their level, but let’s just say that karma always finds a way.

The point is, you are never going to be perfect. No matter how hard you try to please others, there are always going to be those who will find something wrong. So instead of trying to please everybody else and seek everybody else’s approval, seek your own. Don’t strive to be somebody you aren’t just for the acceptance of others. Strive to be who you want to be, and continue to accept yourself for the amazing person that you already are. Short, tall, fat, skinny, male, female, gay, or straight, it doesn’t matter. Be the person you want to be, and love yourself for just being you. This is your one and only life to live, so live it your way.

Michael Bonnell

4/11/2019

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