How Do You Want To Feel?

how do you want to feel

how do you want to feel

How do you want to feel in life?

How do you want to feel? I mean it. I know it might seem like a whole lot of nonsense, but ask yourself how do you want to feel. Not just today, not just tomorrow, but in life. Maybe you want to only feel happiness in life, maybe you want to feel some sadness, or perhaps it is somewhere in between. Whatever it is that you want to feel, make sure it is authentic. Don’t feel a certain way just because others want you to. Be yourself. Ask yourself how do you want to feel, and live by that.

Now, for your sake, I hope that you feel happiness. However it is that you chose to live in life, make sure that you are happy with it. Why? Well, because you are living your life, and only your life. This is your one chance at life, so live your best life each and every day.

Growing up in high school and college, you could define me as a lot of things. I was a momma’s boy (still am), an athlete, a nerd/gamer, a brother, ect. You get the point. But one characteristic that I didn’t have growing up was authenticity. One thing that I wish I would have been, is more authentic. Instead of feeling how I wanted to feel in life, I was listening to the thoughts and judgements of others to determine my feelings.

If you know anything about me, or have read my blog, you will know that I am a family man. Throughout my entire life, my parents have always been my two best friends. I am not afraid to admit it. They know the most about me, they are the two that care the most about me, and they are the two that are always there for me. Of course my sisters are amazing as well, but my parents and I have always had an unbreakable relationship.

What in God’s green earth does this have to do with asking yourself how do you want to feel in life? Alright, here it goes. See, while most kids my age were out partying or getting drunk on a Saturday night, I was probably third wheeling with my parents (I am writing this with a smile on my face because it is so true). We were most likely watching tv, out to eat, or maybe even shopping. Seriously, the majority of my spare time was spent with my parents.

But then Monday morning rolled back around. It was time to go back to school. All of my classmates were sharing eventful stories from the weekend, or exciting things that they did. If anyone were to ask me what I did over the weekend, my response was probably “Oh, not to much. Just kind of sat around.” The truth is, I wasn’t sitting around. I was probably with my two best friends, but was too scared to admit it. I too ashamed to tell others how I really felt; that I enjoyed spending time with my parents than I did with my friends.

The thing is, I was happy with my parents. I spent weekends with them, New Years Eve with them, I mean we did everything together. Spending time with my parents what truthfully when I felt the happiest in life. I felt happy, I felt loved, and I never felt that I had to be someone that I wasn’t. I was able to be myself around them, and I was able to be authentic. That is why I spent/spend all of my spare time with my family.

For the record, I don’t regret the past. While I would have done a lot of things differently, I don’t regret anything in life, nor will I ever. There is never any reason for regret your actions. You can live and learn from your mistakes, but regretting them is only wasting the present. You will never be able to go back in time to change any outcome, so don’t bother spending time wishing that you could.

I know this post has been scattered all over the place, but I am being as real as I can be. I am sharing what I feel, digging deep, and writing away. Right now, I feel happy. I feel happy because I wouldn’t have my past any other way. Some might see spending their weekends with their parents as lame, but not me. I see it as a blessing. I see it as my parents saving my life, and showing me how to feel loved, and for being my two best friends.

So the next time that someone asks you how do you want to feel in life, be honest. If you are happy because you spent the weekend with your parents, be happy. If you are happy because you road trip to Nashville for a weekend, be happy. Whatever it is that you are feeling, make sure it is because you feel it. Don’t be ashamed, don’t be embarrassed, but be proud. Feel what you want to feel, believe what you want to believe, and live how you want to live. This is your life, so live it how you see fit.

Michael Bonnell

8/20/2018

 

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