Feeling Scared of Life? Me Too

feeling scared of life
feeling scared of life

Daily Blog #324

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t feeling scared of life right now. In fact, I am not just scared, I am petrified for what the future has in store. But I am realizing that it’s alright to be scared. Being scared doesn’t mean that we are doing something wrong. It actually means that we are doing something right – we are living our lives and taking risks on ourselves that we deserve to take.

I recently found out that my parents are going to be packing up and moving to Salt Lake City, Utah over the course of the next few months. For what will be the first time in my life, I am not going to have the luxury of living close to them and being able to stop over at their house unannounced when I just need a friend to talk to. If I want to see them, I am actually going to have to plan a trip to go and see them.

We have always been a close bunch. I live with one of my sisters, my parents live six blocks away from us, and my other sister lives less than two miles away. We do a lot together as a family, probably more than most. On the weekends, my parent’s house is converted into a house similar to the one I remember growing up, filled with their kids constantly bickering at each other or saying inappropriate things at the dinner table looking for a laugh. That is all about to change.

What was once normal is going to become a very new reality. And to be completely honest, it is slowly starting to get to me. I know that my parents are always going to be there for me, but at the same time, part of me feels as if I am losing them. I feel as if I am about to lose my two best friends, and that is the scariest part of this whole transition.

They were the ones who were always there for me during my battle with depression, they were always there to lend a shoulder to cry on when I was feeling trapped, and they were there to help pick me up whenever I fell. Every step of the way, my parents have always been close by, and now I am going to have to get used to them living states away.

As I am going through this change, though, I am realizing that it is normal to feel absolutely petrified of the uncertain future that lies ahead. It isn’t wrong to feel this way, it just means that I am having to break out of my comfort zone and grow – grow into a bigger and better version of the person that I want to be. I may not have the luxury of seeing my parents whenever I want, but maybe, just maybe this whole experience will come with some positive benefits that I never knew existed.

Maybe it will push me to venture out on my own more, maybe it will challenge me to make more independent decisions in my life, or maybe it will teach me how truly blessed I am to have the type of relationship with my parents that I do. Time will only tell what is going to happen, but when one door closes, there is another door that is bound to open.

The thing is, feeling scared of life is normal. Not just for me, but for all of us. With every change that we make, we are bound to be scared because of the uncertainty that lies ahead. And if we don’t experience some ounce of fear, then it means that we are not taking enough challenges on ourselves. It means that we are living the same exact life day after day instead of venturing out and seeing all that this world truly has to offer. Doesn’t sound like a fun way to live life if you ask me.

Am I sad that my parents are leaving? One hundred percent. As I said, my parents are seriously my two best friends, and they always have been. But at the same time, I am honestly a little excited. Not only am I excited to embrace this change and see what I am truly made of, but I am also excited that my parents are also creating the dreams of their own. After all that they have done for their family and for the world around them, it is about time that they do something based on their own wants. It is time that they live their lives to the fullest.

So for one of the first times in my life, I am feeling confident and excited about the major change that is about to result. Scared, but confident and excited for what the future holds. While I may not be able to control it, I am definitely going to enjoy the ride and make the most out of every opportunity that life throws my way.

Michael Bonnell

3/20/2019

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