Breaking bad habits will lead to a better lifestyle
Yeah, this is going to be a tough entry to write. Right now, I really do not care about grammar or anything, I just need to get these words off of my chest. Five years ago, I started exercising and watching what I ate. That was five years ago and since then, I haven’t gone a day without counting calories or trying to guess how many I have been putting in my body. We all have habits that we need to break. The key to breaking bad habits is to admit that you have one. Well, I have one.
I am sorry if I sound harsh right now, I have just spent the last few days battling my emotions and have not been in a good spot mentally. The stress of counting calories and not being able to live my life is finally starting to take a toll on me. See that picture below? That picture was taken about 3 hours ago. Now don’t get me wrong, I love myself, but I know that I need to break my habit of counting calories in order to live a healthy life.
There is a distinctive difference of being healthy and being too healthy. Health means that you make healthy choices for what is in your best interest and can still enjoy life. For these past 5 years, I have been too healthy. I have counted every calories and would exercise to the point of breaking down. Why? Because I have had the mindset that being healthy means weighing as little as possible.
The main reason for admitting my unhealthy habits is because it is starting to affect my family in a negative way. As everyone know, yesterday was Mother’s Day. This is the one day of the year where we thank the ladies who give us the most in life. Yesterday, I didn’t give my mom the thanks that she deserves. Instead, I basically the most selfish kid ever and let my emotions get the best of me. I had finally had enough of counting calories and for some reason, I chose yesterday as the day to finally blow a cork.
I have realized that this is not a healthy way to live. In order to break these habits, I am desperately trying to break my daily ritual. It is a lot easier said than done and still doesn’t take away the guilt that I have for basically ruining Mother’s Day for my family. No one will ever understand the relationship that I have with my mom and it just leaves me disgusted with myself that I had to ruin her day.
With all of that said, it is time to get my life back and make the memories that my life is supposed to be made of. I am admitting that I have an eating disorder. I am admitting that I have taken health to the extreme and don’t know when to give myself a break. All of this has led me to a breaking point and I don’t know if it will ever get better. The only thing I can do is try. I am going to try and change my habits so that I can get ahold of my life again and so that I can love myself again.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we all have bad days and we all have things that we need to work on in our life. For me, it is admitting that I have an issue with being too healthy and I need to learn to draw a fine line in the sand so that I can get my life back. The first step to breaking any bad habit is to admit that there is a habit to be broken. That’s what I am trying to do here. It is time to hold myself accountable for all of my actions and emotions. I hope that by doing so, I am able to get ahold of my life again.
And to my amazing mother, I am so sorry for ruining your day. Words can’t describe how sorry I am and how much I love you.
Michael Bonnell
5/14/2018
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